Disaster Mental Health
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| Helping Your Teenager Cope After a Natural Disaster Overview: Fires, tornadoes, floods, and other natural disasters have an impact on children of all ages. Following are ways to help your teenager cope with such tragedies. · Ways to talk with your teenager after a natural disaster · Ways to support your teenager through a trauma · Staying strong as a parent · If fear continues When we are affected by a natural disaster or one occurs nearby -- whether it be a fire, tornado, flood, or other disaster -- we may need to offer special support to our children. Beyond the disruption is the worry they may feel. How do we help them cope? How do we give them the support they need? There are several steps you can take to support a teenager who is anxious after a natural disaster. Ways to talk with your teenager after a natural disaster: Teenagers react to trauma in many of the same ways that adults do. The world may suddenly seem dangerous and unsafe. Your teenager may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions and may not understand how to cope with these feelings. Here is how you can help: • Help your teenager talk about the event. Let her know that it’s normal to feel worried or upset. Try to listen carefully and understand what she is saying. • When you talk about the event, be honest. Don’t diminish the nature of the tragedy or dismiss your teenager’s worries. • Talk about what happened and share clear, accurate information. Ask your teenager what he thinks has happened and what other kids at school are saying. If he has any misconceptions, this is a chance for you to help him correct false fears and misinformation. If your teenager knows upsetting details that are true, don’t deny them. Instead, listen closely and talk with him about his fears. • Try to be patient if your teenager asks the same questions again and again. Let your teenager talk as often as she needs to about the disaster. Talking about the event with you is a way for your teenager to gain control of feelings that follow a trauma. • Talk with your teenager about your own feelings. Explain how the trauma or event is affecting you. Admit that you are saddened by what has happened, and show that you care. But don’t burden your teenager with your fears and worries. Find other adults to talk to about those. • Reassure your teenager that your family and community are safe and that events like these are rare. Ways to support your teenager through a trauma: • Remember that this may be the first time your child is experiencing grief. Expect her to have many feelings -- anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, and sometimes guilt if others have died. Assure your child that all of these feelings are normal. • If there has been a previous loss, this may bring up old pain. Take the time to reflect with your teenager on how he has recovered from prior losses. • Your teenager may feel afraid and upset following the disaster and may no longer feel “normal.” She may show her fears in ways that she did when she was younger - by having night terrors, crying, being clingy, or being overly fearful. These behaviors are normal. Try to be loving and understanding. Coping with a natural disaster takes time. Your teenager needs extra love and support from you during this period. • It might be a good idea to limit the amount of TV news coverage your teenager sees. Too much repeated coverage could just heighten your teenager’s anxiety. • Don’t assume that just because your teenager hasn’t said something about the event that he is OK and isn’t affected by it. Sometimes, teenagers are confused by a traumatic event, want to avoid talking about it, or are afraid to show their vulnerability. You may need to take the first step and bring up the subject when you and your teenager have time together. • Help your teenager find comforting routines as a way to cope. Encourage your teenager to listen to music, do art work, play basketball, or participate in other normal activities. This is a time to keep routines simple at home. • You might suggest that your teenager keep a journal to record her moods, thoughts, feelings, and worries. This can be helpful in coping with powerful emotions, disturbing thoughts, and feelings of grief. • Encourage your teenager to become involved as a way to overcome feelings of helplessness. Powerlessness is painful for adults and children. Being active in a campaign to help victims of the disaster or writing letters to people who have helped or to victims can bring a sense of hope and control to everyone in the family. Your teenager may even want to contribute money to the victims’ families. • Encourage your teenager to stay connected with others instead of isolating himself. Encourage him to see friends and to continue with normal activities. Many adolescents are wonderful about rallying together to help each other in times of need. Encourage your teenager to reach out to friends. • Temporarily lower expectations of school and home performance. Your teenager’s attention and emotional energy may be focused elsewhere for a few days or weeks. • Encourage your teenager to talk with friends and with other adults about the event. This might be a teacher, school counselor, member of the clergy, or someone else from the community that your teenager feels close to and trusts. • Most important of all, try to be there for your teenager. Give her extra attention and support. Be affectionate. Give her hugs. Make efforts to spend time together, have meals together, and be together as a family. Staying strong as a parent Your own behavior is a powerful example for your teenager. How he copes with a traumatic event will depend to some measure on how you cope. He is looking to all the adults around him -- parents, teachers, and others -- to find positive ways to deal with the event. It’s important for you to stay strong so you can support your child. • Get enough sleep, eat well-balanced meals, and try to stick to regular routines. • Seek support from others. Because you are also responding to trauma, it is very important to talk to other parents, friends, counselors, and adults. Share your anxieties and frustrations with them. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. • Give yourself time to reflect on what happened. If fear continues: Usually, a teenager’s reactions to a traumatic event do not last long. But sometimes fears can last and interfere with enjoyment of everyday life. Warning signs that this might be the case include: • troubled sleep or frequent nightmares • fear of going to school, going outside, or being left alone • changes in behavior (unusual quietness, unresponsiveness, or tiredness) • angry outbursts, acting-out behavior • excessive clinging • excessive crying • headaches or stomachaches • alcohol or drug abuse • change in appetite (increased or decreased) • loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities • drop in grades • isolation, spending more time than usual alone If your teenager is experiencing any of these signs for a prolonged period of time or if the signs could put your teenager at risk, seek expert help. Your employee resource program or employee assistance program may have helpful information and resources. Written with the help of Rebecca Dion, master in social services, LCSW, QCSW, CEAP. Ms. Dion is regional director of Behavioral Health Residential Services at Northwestern Human Services and is a member of the National Association of Social Workers. She is past board member of the Philadelphia chapter of the National Association for the Prevention of Child Abuse. © 1999, 2004 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. |
| Signs of a Grieving Child By: Rebecca Roberts Konarz, MSW, LSW Infants/Pre-verbal Toddlers: * Decrease in activity level Infants who were attempting to rollover, crawl, and walk prior to the traumatic event may stop attempting movement. This is typically temporary and after some time will begin those attempts for movement again. However, it is important to offer infants/toddlers the opportunity for those attempts at movement. Also, be sure to continue to play and encourage, but not coerce, those attempts at movement. * Decrease in appetite Due to change in routine and caregiver, infants are often unsure of their environment and while they are becoming familiar with their new routine they often are irritable and will not eat as much. There may also be a weight loss. If the child’s decrease in feedings and weight loss continues for several weeks, it is important to have a check-up with the child’s family doctor or pediatrician. However, typically the infant/toddler will adjust and begin eating the same amounts as before the trauma. * Increase in irritability and/or change in personality Caregivers often that children in this age range typically experience irritability, primarily because of a change in their daily routine. In general, when there is a change in any child’s routine, there will be some amount of stress, which will cause irritability and/or a change in personality. However, once the child becomes adjusted to his/her new schedule they typically return to the infant you knew prior to the trauma. * Sleeplessness Once again a change in routine will also affect sleeping patterns. The infant must again learn to trust their caregiver. So, be sure to provide him/her the individual attention s/he needs. This may include sleeping in the room or being present while they fall asleep. We do NOT recommend that caregivers allow infants and toddlers to sleep in the adult bed with caregivers. There are several safety concerns and an increased risk for accidents coinciding with infants sleeping beside adults. The sleeplessness should deplete over time as well. Toddlers, Preschool, and School Age * Decrease or increase in appetite Eating “comfort foods” is an appropriate response to any type of stress in adults and children. Many children challenge their caregivers by demanding to eat the same types of foods for every meal. This is a child’s attempt to restore a sense of power and safety after experiencing a powerless situation. It is acceptable to allow the child to eat “comfort foods” during this time. Caregivers may choose to compromise with children, in that children can eat their “comfort foods’ as long as they also eat healthy foods. This will ensure that the child is receiving the nutrients they need for extra energy. It is typical a short term coping mechanism for every human and will dissipate after a couple weeks * Severe increase in activity level You may observe in children, typically males, an increased activity or hyperactivity. Many traumatized or grieving children are misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). However, for traumatized children this is once again an attempt to gain control over their already powerless situation. Children also cope with fears, anger, and intense emotions in the physical sense versus verbalizing their fears, anger, and emotions. This is a healthy, normal response to a traumatic vent. * Severe decrease in social activities You may observe that children who were once very active in school or social activities becoming withdrawn and quiet. These children are choosing to cope by processing this experience individually before processing with family and friends. It is wise to let this child process alone, without pressuring him/her to “talk about” the death. * Hyper vigilance Children will often participate in attention seeking behaviors that may or may not be harmful to self or others. As an educator, you have to be sure the safety of other students and staff is kept at all times. Therefore, if a suspension is needed, view it as a “teachable moment”. During your parent-teacher/administrator meeting have the social worker or counselor educate the child, parents, teacher, and administrators about typical grief responses to death visible in children. Adults surrounding this child may be unaware that this behavior is related to any type of loss. As a parent, you must attempt to communicate consequences to behaviors. If your child’s behavior continues seek professional help in efforts to restore that child’s sense of safety and power. * Dreams and nightmares Children directly exposed to a traumatic event, such as a shooting, domestic violence, car fatality, or witnessing a classmate’s death, are likely to have intrusive nightmares. However, children who experience a death of loved one may also have vivid dreams about the loved one. Do NOT assume that their dream was scary. Simply ask your child to describe the dream or nightmare. Be sure to process those dreams and nightmares with your child. If they refuse to talk about the dream, simply offer your support and encourage them to talk to peers if they feel comfortable. Always, as children what ways you can help them to feel safe. This might include a spray bottle of “magic disappearing potion” or a flashlight. To reduce dreams it is important to provide an environment for your child that is peaceful, cozy, and safe. You can do this by playing calming music before bedtime, reading calming books before bedtime, and allowing children to sleep where they feel safe, which may include the closet, couch, and floor. * Sleeplessness Children are simply fearful and afraid of what might happen next, causing intrusive nightmares leading to lack of sleep. These children may also begin sleeping in odd places, such as on your bedroom floor, in the closet, under the bed, or on the couch. These children are attempting to restore a sense of safety and control over their fears. Children may show this behavior for several months. As adults and caregivers it is essential that we show our support by making that a comfortable place for that child. This may include allowing them to sleep in their favorite sleeping bag or bedroom comforter, having a dog or cat sleep beside them, or having a nearby light on throughout the night. Once the child observes that the adults around him/her believe in their “safety plan” the child has a restored sense of safety and will most likely return to their own beds * Break down in communication (Specifically in adolescents) In adolescents, parents may notice a decrease in communication with their teen. Teenagers specifically will process their grief with people outside the traumatic event to protect those that they care about. We often refer to this as the “protection game.” Parents naturally want to protect their children from intense emotions and trauma-inducing incidents and therefore do not speak of the incidence. Children naturally do not want upset their parents either and protect them by not discussing the incidence. However, both children and parents will still grieve, but they are forced to process their grief by themselves. It is okay for parents to tell their children their response to grief and vice versa. However, remind parents that some children will still choose to process their emotions with peers or other adults, which is also healthy. Remind parents that they should still share their grief, but should not with or without the discussions. Remind parents that their children are most likely processing their grief with peers and teachers and that this is typical and healthy of adolescents. Points to Remember: * In all aged children it is essential that caregivers attempt to keep a child’s daily schedule as close to their own routine as possible. Children become easily agitated when they do not know what to expect next. If there is a change in their routine, let them know before it happens if at all possible. Communicating with children helps to restore their trust in you as a caregiver. * Children grieve intermittently. Children’s grief is similar to a ping-pong ball; you never know which direction they are headed. Therefore, follow children where they lead you. Allow them to tell their story, on their terms, magically or seriously, let them lead! Rebecca Roberts Konarz, MSW, LSW The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children Copyright 2003 |
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